Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
