Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
