Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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