he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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