plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
