we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
