I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he fucked my hip out of place.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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