i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize