she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
