We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
