i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize