Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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