dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
