He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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