omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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