That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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