no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
