When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
