Cold hands, warm shart.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
When did angry sex become our thing?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
