Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
