I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
