God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
