are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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