i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
