Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
