Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
