We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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