I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
