So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
