You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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