You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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