At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
