This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
