the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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