I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
