i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
