Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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