I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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