he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
