I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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