allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
How's work?
Spinning.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
