Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
