I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
