I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
