whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
