I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
