Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
