she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
