now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Randomize
