College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
