So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
