I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
