you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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