Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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