I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize