So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
