Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
