He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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