I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
