I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
