Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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